$ cat mission.txt
we make tees for people whose
linkedin says "serial entrepreneur"
$ cat /etc/runway
ERROR: 0 months remaining
SUGGESTION: sell tshirts
$
>>> THE DROP <<<
$ ./launch-collection.sh
loading tees............ 73%
loading tees............ 89%
loading tees............ 91%
ERROR: collection not deployed yet
STATUS: in stealth mode (like your last startup)
$ cat release-date.txt
SOON(tm)
join the waitlist if you want to
know before everyone else.
or don't. we're not your VC.
$ ls ./coming-soon/
employee-4.tee
ipo-or-die.tee
404-dream-not-found.tee
[ CLASSIFIED ].tee
[ CLASSIFIED ].tee
$
$ cat about.txt
Dead Unicorn is the official merch
of the startup graveyard.
for the founders who pivoted 7 times
and ended up back at square zero.
for the engineers who got paid in
"equity" that's now worth less than
this t-shirt.
for anyone who's ever said "we're
basically uber for ___" with a
straight face.
$ cat /dev/copium
at least we vested
> JOIN THE WAITLIST
get early access to the drop. we promise to email less than your smallest investor's "just checking in..." messages.
WELCOME ABOARD. YOU'RE EMPLOYEE #. YOUR EQUITY IS WORTHLESS BUT THE VIBES ARE IMMACULATE.
// GUESTBOOK //
xX_darkfounder_Xx 03/05/26
wore the employee #4 tee to my performance review. got fired. 10/10 would recommend
burnrate_billy 03/03/26
i've been employee #4 at three startups. all dead. this is my jersey now
series_a_sarah 02/28/26
my startup's landing page actually 404s now so the tee is technically a documentary
pivot_pete 02/25/26
we pivoted from blockchain to AI to selling tshirts. full circle honestly
equity_emma 02/20/26
$35 for a tee? that's worth more than my stock options lmaooo
Q: is this a real business?
more real than your last startup
Q: when do you ship?
faster than your product shipped features
Q: do you accept crypto?
we accept money that's worth money
Q: can i return my shirt?
can you return your wasted 20s?
didn't think so. all sales final.
Q: what's your valuation?
$4.7B pre-revenue obviously